This video installation is based on two relating performances. It is accompanied by audio and an artist zine comprised of excerpts from Kai's sketchbook and the writing from the video installation. This piece was created to show what Gender Dysphoria can feel like for a Transgender Person. The stimulus for this installation is Kai's discrepancy between their outward appearance and their feeling of identity. A mask is formed, internalising the judgements of others.
The first video is located in a domestic setting with Kai sitting in front of a mirror. The light is toned blue. Kai is brushing their hair and doing their makeup. They pause. It feels wrong. They change their makeup and redo their hair. Their movements become more hectic as they run out of ideas. They give up.
There are five stages of this video, all repeating the same cycle until Kai has shaved all their hair off.
The background for the second video is clinically white. Bright spotlights are illuminating Kai. Kai can be seen in the middle of the frame, from the chest up. They are looking straight into the camera. Three hands come into view from different angles, writing words and sentences Kai has internalised about themselves in permanent marker on their skin, showing their inner voice on the outside. Kai wipes it off but some traces remain. This cycle is repeated five times with the words becoming more hurtful towards the end.
The videos are playing on loop which evoces feelings of frustration and uncertainty.